How intentional Presence has rewarded me hugs and cuddles #conciousparenting: Betty Char

Written By: The Bundu Therapist

I've been finding it hard spending quality time with my son

on Sundays when his nanny takes her day off. This struggle is rooted in the

early days after his birth when I was home alone, immersed in my own challenges

while recovering. Those days were filled with sadness, loneliness, and a

constant battle within my mind. Now, fastfoward to the recent present, whenever

his nanny is away, those old emotions resurface, trapping me in my head and

creating a barrier between us. My son was energetically feeling me and

responding to me in the way i was presenting my self to him,so for the longest

time, staying home alone with him felt more like an anxiety spiral than bonding

time

In my distress, I shared this with my mentor, expecting some

profound advice. Instead, he suggested something that sounded utterly

ridiculous at first: "Take your journal and write it down." I was

furious. How could writing about my feelings possibly make a difference? But

with no other options, I reluctantly followed his advice because he also said

because when you write it down, you are releasing the heavy energy from you

onto the paper,so lowkey I wanted to experiment how that would turn out. To my

surprise, pouring my thoughts onto paper began to lift the heavy energy I had

been carrying. It allowed me to confront and accept my reality, opening the

door for solutions to enter.

Without realizing it, I started being intentional about my

presence around my son. I made a deliberate choice to spend at least five

minutes each day in uninterrupted conversation with my one-year-old and set

aside thirty minutes to play a game before I collapsed on the couch. This

simple change brought about incredible results. However, before you get excited

for me, let me tell you something I learned about the importance of being present

as a parent.

Since we began playing games together after work, we’ve

never played the same game twice. I allow my son to lead because I believe he

has the right to initiate and direct our activities. Every day, he gives me a

sign for which game he wants to play, and I follow his lead. By staying

absolutely present, I’ve noticed that even during play, he consistently

transitions into different games. This awareness has made me more energetic and

attentive, which, in turn, has made him happier and pleased to be around me .

He has even started choosing me over his nanny occasionally, a beautiful shift

that warms my heart.

This past Sunday, we were watching cartoons when a scene

showed a mother passionately hugging her son. My son’s face lit up, and he

turned to me, running with open arms. I immediately hugged him back, and we

embraced for three long, passionate minutes. That moment reignited a fire

within me that had long been extinguished. It also brought a pang of guilt as I

realized how many such moments I had missed in the passed because I was trapped

in my own head and past trauma. My son had always sought these moments of

connection, but my absence, even when physically present, had made him lose

interest in spending time with me.

All my son ever wanted was my presence and to share his

experiences with me, not material gifts or a new career path. Being present is

the greatest gift we can give our children. It’s not about perfection, but

about making the conscious choice to be fully there, to engage, and to let them

lead us into their world. This journey of intentional presence has not only

transformed my relationship with my son but has also taught me the true essence

of parenting. Let’s awaken to this reality and commit to being fully present

for our children, creating beautiful, lasting memories that will shape their

lives and ours.

#HAPPYPARENTING