MY Angel, frontline journal (PLEASE COMMENT)

Oooh My
This is my thought for my frontline journal, Please help me to know if am in the right direction.

I grow up in an environment, where people, lost their identity and figure due to HIV and AIDS. The pandemic become even vast as the traditions were been upheld and as the country underwent some changes with the introduction of privatization. Women were the victim of the bad tradition customs as well as HIV and Aids.

I not only lived in this society were people died around me but was affected by the pandemic; my half sister lived and died with the pandemic due to traditional customs.
I intend to share my experience focusing on Traditional and the economic situation in my community and how it has contributed to HIV and AIDS. How they have affected and manipulated girls and women in my society. The challenges women face.
I will also look at my involvement with women in my community and my vision for them.