What values and cultures are we passing over to the next generations? Love or Hate.

Character development is one of the most crucial aspects of our lives. The lessons we learn do not only influence our life choices but also determine the kind of leaders, parents, and citizens we become. We have lost the touch of love. it's very easy to throw stones and accuse others of crimes they have not committed.

Some cultures even make it worst for women. When a man is sick is a woman who has poison him. If he is dead, it's his wife who has killed him. The woman is always accused but when a woman dies no one thinks it could be her husband who has killed her. Her death is attributed to her negligence. Many widows and orphans are abandoned today because of one useless story attributed to the death of their husbands and fathers.

This has become worst and complex with the conflict situations in the regions.In the past months, I have threaded with the new challenges of understanding some dynamic cultural values and their manifestation on women and children. The reasons why women have to undergo pain and torture which they didn't bargain for but just because they are women. There are lots of expectations bestowed on a woman. Martha didn't choose to become a woman.

As the sun rays reflect on the sky in a brilliant array of oranges and purples, I walked through the hospital corridors feeling a new warmth to the day, I noticed this beautiful woman standing and caged in her frustration and agony. She looked rooted and frozen with her hands fixed to the chest. She was so confused that she could not see anyone standing next to the staircase.

She was so lost in her imagining that she pondered what possible miracle could take her out of her ordeal. As the cleaner made his way towards her direction, she could bearly hear nor understand him speak. He spoke in French and she just looked at him in disbelieve. I then decided to find out why she looked so frill and frightened in the sunshine.

After a wash of cold I step from the shadows, Ma can I help you, I interrupted in English? This was a language she understood as she quickly gripped my hand and bust out in tears. She felt lightning as she crackle through her deep pain as she couldn't say a perfect statement for about 30minutes.

I am from one of the conflict-affected villages. We moved here for safety because of the crisis. Unfortunately for me after three months, my husband fell seriously sick and I decided to rush him to this hospital. We had some money which I thought if well managed I could save his life but his illness took so long more than I expected. His prolonged treatment got everyone included his family members so worried and tired. My in-laws started accusing me of his illness and finally abandoned him.

They started making stories and said I was a bad woman because I knew that the hospital was expensive but I decided to take their brother there. For past months I have been sleeping on the floor as a career. I waited patiently as I tried to calm the hot cool in her heart. She finally took a deep breath and said 'i just lost my husband'. He is at the mortuary and I don't know what to do and where to go and how to carry him back to his village. I have been abandoned and don't have the resources.

My brain stutters for a moment and my eyes took in more light than I expected. Every part of me went on pause while my thoughts cought up as I place my hand on her shoulder, "It'll be okay”. Yes Martha finally laid her husband to rest some weeks later after so much torture from her in-laws and conspirators. She now has her children to raise and to start up a new life. Martha is one out of a thousand of women stock in this kind of problem.

At that moment I thought this could have happened to me or any woman suffering with a sick husband. How do we help others faced with such difficulties? It could be even a sick wife.

I salute all women and men who have undergone such treatment in silence. We must break the silence and change the narrative. We are sometimes carried by the perceptions of others and fail to understand that the same treatment we offer to others will also be offered to us someday.

Our values and cultures are not any longer transferred adequately in society. These are some of the root causes of the conflicts in communities and homes. Social violence and intolerance now creep in the fabric of our societies. As women are often not perceived to have the knowledge, cultural background or social status needed to bring about the desired change needed.

This is more frustrating because living in conflict with limited access to education, health, and social services. Despite these challenges, we remain committed to change the paradox of violence targeting women. In conflict, we are committed to implement the women, peace and security agenda and ensure women's participation at every level. Women’s participation is crucial in changing gender discrimination and to stopping hate speech.