……AND THEN I LEFT….

Every day I had to woke up early in the morning do housekeeping, cooking and also have to cut big jute sack of grass before I go to school. We do not have our own land; therefore I have to go nearby fields in search of grass for our Cattles. I never got chance to be on time for my school. When I reached school, I was so tired that I couldn’t concentrate in my study. Sometimes was so hungry that I couldn’t concentrate in my class because I even do not have time to eat my lunch at home. If I started eating lunch then I have to miss first class. However, when I had menstruation, I never go to school because it’s really hard to be at school while having period. Although I had to fulfill many responsibilities before I go to school, I never give up my education. Suddenly, when I was studying in Class 8, I was forced to marry an unknown, 35 year’s age drunk man. I requested my mother several times to cancel my marriage but no one hears me. Instead my mother told me that I can continue my education after getting marriage, and my husband will allow me to go to school. Finally I got married.

In the beginning of my married life, everyone treated me well. However, the day came when I have to work from the early morning to till 11pm in order to make my family members happy. I felt so tired but there was no one who could help me in my work. Although I have two sister-in-law and mother-in-law, I don’t have anyone to share my feeling and was worthless to expect from my family members. At night, when I lay on the bed, I could feel the pain. Sometimes I cried and remembered my mother. When I was in my parents’ home, at least my mother was there for me when I need. At the same time, my husband used to come drinking local alcohol and raped me until he satisfied. I could not do anything except crying because he was my husband.

Besides, I was so worried about my education. My final examination was only a month far and it was a district level examination so I decided to talk with my husband regarding my education. No one listen to me, not even my mother-in-law, not even my husband, not even my mother, no one. I felt lonely in this big world. Till then it was already some months, and found that I was pregnant. I do not want to have a baby and I knew it’s not a good time for me to give birth to a child but what to do. I cried and cried because I didn’t have any option except than crying. I thought it is too late to talk about my education so I give up education. How can I go to school when I am pregnant? The days became harder when I was pregnant because I had to do all the work by myself. I didn’t go a single day for the checkup, neither had I taken any medication. Finally I gave birth to a son whose body was pale and yellow. Now I had one more responsibility-that is to take care of my son. Although I got so tired, I used to forget all my sorrows when I see my son. However, I was not that much fortunate, my son was also snatch from me. May be this cruel society doesn’t want my happiness at all. My son died from yellow fever but my mother-in-law blamed me as a witch. No one try to understand how I am going through instead she blamed me that I ate my own son. A son whom I carried nine months in my womb, A son whom I love more than anything in this world, A son whom I find as a friend to share my sorrow. Every day she tortured me in the name of witchcraft.

And Then I decided to run away from my home and go very far. Finally, I got chance to meet Sita Didi and started living with her. I worked for her in agricultural sector and support myself. Now I am 35 years old but I didn’t marry another man after I left my husband. At least now, I am free, no one torture me.

This life story is based on Devi(name changed because she doesn't want her name to be published). I got chance to meet her during the HIV test-a part of health clinic that I did back in Nepal on last May)