beyond the subject"Should Broke Boyfriends have girlfriends?through feminism and women talking...

Should Broke boyfriends have girlfriends? That was the subject and some people thought that I had deviated from the topic when I decided to analyze it as a human rights activist but for me I think it wasn’t a deviation it was just the same subject that we tried to analyze more critically....So I spent the early hour of my Saturday morning tying to understand this conversation on whats app that had started earlier than I could join and I couldn’t just get it. I couldn’t find the words to describe how I felt at that moment when I read the lines of these learned intelligent girls but I knew that I was disappointed. I belong to a whats-app group of classmates on a whats-app group conversation. The conversation had started earlier on and it was on the theme “should broke boyfriends have girlfriends”. All but one of the responses in this conversation favored the woman folk, justifying why broke guys should never get a date.So when I joined the conversation later and read through these responses, I was a little disappointed but still I wanted to add my voice and understand their position so I joined the conversation which moved from being just an ordinary girl talk kind of conversation to a deep analysis of gender, roles, sex, society and more. I have to invite you to read it yourself and share your thoughts. I am not sharing the whole conversation but I invite you to share part of this interesting conversation which begins with my response to the statement that men are born providers.

Me: They are born that way? For crying out loud who is born with provider’s gene? Biology come and prove me wrong but men are not born with provider’s gene

Girl 2: From birth they are taught to protect, to care for their sisters, to work hard and do the harder work so it’s not even a point of debate. From Adam God used raw material and for women he used refined material its nature not some imposed phenomenon.

Me: Hehehe I thought we had worked hard I just realized that e have been joking. This is totally unbelievable and I choose to start work right away.

Girl 2:that is right upbringing even in our African roots and its just the way it is. Not that women should rely on men that’s no excuse for laziness. I am on my way to work but that won’t stop me from being a housewife tomorrow. No man wants a liability but you can’t be the MAN IN THE HOUSE. We should all know our place and keep the flag high.I understand your point of feminism, its good but little facts will make it better

Me: That is not a fact Marlin, that is ignorance at its peak.People are not born with cultures.people are born as humans and society defines who they should be.I am a feminist,a very proud to be feminist and infact we should all be feminist.

Girl 2:You are not getting my point

Me:you have zero chances of making a point if you think people are born with culture.

Girl 2: because of childhood upbringing there are instilled with the urge to provide.I will bring up my sons in the African style and not teach them to be gay,if along the way he chooses to be gay oya he is free. women will always be women and men will always be men,whats there is to stick to your side of the coin.I am a feminist but that doesn’t matter.what are women supposed to teach their sons?

Me:Chimamanda Ngozie Adichies TED talk “we should all be feminist” recommendedXira: am a huge fan of Chimamanda and I watch her Talks and read her novels.Me: Then how comes you are providing this kind of information?

Girl 2:whats there now is for you to get a strategic point and elaborate or educate on cos we have mates with sons right?.now they train their sons in the African style which means they are thought to be the head wherever they are,so if our African sisters get approached and the guy says water is luxury are they supposed to smile?of course feminism boils down to ladies buying water for themselves but hey people live to get married and wont love a guy who thinks water is luxury.

Me Its not acceptable that society defines this kind of roles for men,these roles which force men to be something particular because they are born men.To be providers, to be soldiers, protectors etc. This is discrimination against men and I do not think it is acceptable

Girl 3:where did discrimination come from in this matter? I think discrimination is against women who are not allowed to have leading positions or go to school, that is the one I support.

At this point I was confused and I was pinching myself hoping that I will wake up from this dream. But no it was not a dream! because this conversation is joined by 5 other women who sound like this “I need a man who can take charge! provide for me and protect me” “am sorry even if all men don’t follow norms mine should better do” “you people should stop fighting what God had put in place naturally, society didn’t set any differences on anybody, the roles of man and woman have been spelt out by God form the beginning” ”the man will work hard to produce, the woman will bear children, when God was punishing Adam and Eve he said ,Man will sweat, till the soil and woman will suffer during labour, that’s the provider gene speaking loud” “it goes back to the Bible the man has to be the protector and the provider of the woman the woman has to support and respect the man.”And this particular one struck me’

\"Linda it is confusing when you say you are a feminist but you are defending men” “we solve a problem from its cause not course”

At a Time when we feel that we are making progress these are the voices of doctors, political scientist, Pharmacist, journalist educationist, nurses and lawyers. There was much more to the conversation but I just picked these lines, to share and I invite you to share your honest thoughts, this is a kind of research to measure how far activist have come with educating people on simple things like gendr roles, discrimination, feminism etc.I hope you enjoyed your reading.