Broken female

Will some one cut my chest, just to check my heartbeat and my lungs. 

Am I really normally, 

Am I the only person who smiles during the rainy cold days? 

Am so afraid, it is the last thing that has ever crossed my mind. How will you know if you can't look into my eyes and read. 

Am dieng inside, my brain shutting and soon my whole body will be a statue.

Ohhh my smile,cant you just see am faking it?, am covering up like yes I take the blame, it's always my fault, but you know it's  not a me, so I will smile for Rocky not to know am gone far away in my brain. 

Haven't I done everything? I have tried. 

Holding on to a floater ain't easy when the tides are high.

Am not strong as my face says. At times I cry, at times I hate ,I desire and I can love too. 

But only if you can look into my eyes, pull out an unkerchief and let me cry. UNTILL then, then you can't understand the battles am fighting just to fit in

With love from Amonge from Kenya