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From the Ashes I have Risen - Journey to self discovery

It is funny how, in this journey of life, even though we may begin at different times and places, our paths cross with others so that we may share our love, compassion, observations and hope. This is a design of God that I appreciate and cherish. Again and grateful and humbled for being given this platform of sharing my life with some of my fellows who might have experienced the same experience. Thank you World Pulse. It has always been my wish and dream to possible write a book about my life and find this being a good platform to share my journey of life.

My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me or defeated me; it has only strengthened me. A a woman of Faith and grew up with faith, I have always told myself that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. We need to be cautious with what we feed our minds and soul. We need to fuel ourselves with positivity and let that fuel propel us into positive action.

I was born into a family of four, my elder sister, brother, myself and my younger sister. My mother was into polygamy marriage and being the 2nd wife. My family was neither rich or poor. My father was a loving daddy however, I used to ask myself if I was indeed both my parent's daughter. Being the darkest (in skin colour) among my siblings, I was always treated differently and harshly. The love which portrayed to my siblings was totally different to what I was receiving especially from my mother. I was always called "Mnyamane" which means dark skin in a harsh way. Nothing good I did made a different to my mother or ever acknowledged. The good thing is, I have always been the smartest and clever at school of which that's where i used to get praises and acknowledgement which kept me going to see that I matter to God and other people. It came to a point where I had to be sent to live with my grand mother (from my father's side). It wasn't an easy move as I had to adapt from the rural area and being from the urban area, however, I must say I have no regret at this stage and came as an extra bonus in my life. From city lights and electricity to candle and picking fire woods and floor fire, this was an amazing experience as I grew fond of and this helped to to understand more about rural life, its people, how they live, how they struggle and how they overcome those struggle and all look normal to me in the end.

It was a hard a difficult journey but love conquered all, to live among the people who understand how to mix soil and water to stop your tummy from from grumbling yet wake up the next morning full of hope and faith that "today is another day" a miracle can happen at anytime, that humbled me so much and realized that not all the riches of the world;d can buy you true happiness. My grandmother would cook porridge and peel an orange and said "let us eat my grand daughter" because that was offered with love it tasted more than a grilled chicken I left behind at my parents home in the city. I learned to go fetch water and carry a 20 litre bucket on my head, go fetch fire wood, collected cow waste to use as our home paint and cement, make floor fire and cook and still studies with a candle light and that made me a woman that I am today and I believe I can survive anywhere in the world, through mosquitoes and drought I will forever remain standing. I can walk in any dessert yet survive its harshness compared to what I gave seen and gone through to be the person that I am today.

The positive outcome of this, I am the only one who managed to get her matric certificate and married her 1st husband while still a virgin. I managed to see the university doors even though I dropped out on my 2nd year due to financial problems where my parents didnt care about my educational needs whereas my siblings were enrolled in expensive private schools yet failed to complete their matric studies. I had to get married young because I needed a sense of belonging and love I have never experienced and my late husband happened to be that angel sent from heaven to sweep me off my feet and to live happily after till death do us part. I am today a proud mother of three but left with two boys as my daughter passed tragically. I am part of International Women Magazines and their shareholder, that dark skinned referred as Mnyamane and ugly has turned out to be the most beautiful woman inside out who is now a graduate with B Com Marketing and honours in Business Management, the name "ugly and Mnyamane didnt define my future but my positive attitude did.  From the dark ashes I have risen. I must confess that right now I am in the process of opening a new private school which will cater for the same education as the "rich and famous private school" for the community at a affordable rate as we all know that Private schools are only associated with those with big pockets.

I have forgotten the harshness and only focusing on the good which came out of that harshness, I have forgiven and giving back love to those who hated me for the reason unknown to me as I was the only child and believed I was brought into this world with love. The truth is, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. We all make mistakes, have struggles and even regret things in our past. But if we learn that we are not the mistakes, we are not the struggles and we are NOW with the power to shape our day and our future. We can renew ourselves, release and let go of the past. Yesterday is gone. There is nothing we can do to bring it back. All i could say right now is, there is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful than a woman being  apologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection, to me that is the true essence of beauty.

Steven Maroboli, in his book he say "I quote" if you hang with the chickens you are going to cluck and if you hand with the eagles, you are going to fly. Don't let your past define who you are, don't let your lacking or poverty life define who you are, don't let the negative opinion of others define who you are, live your truth, express your love, share your enthusiasm, take action towards your dreams, walk your talk, dance and sing yo your own music, in that manner you will not feel the peer pressure from others. Embrace your blessings and make your today worth remembering.

Till this day, I live the phrase/quote which says I will live my life in such a way that when I get out of bed in the morning, the devil will look at me and say " aw goat, she is up" through it all I have experienced in my life, the pain and some joy, through depression of losing people closer to my heart, my Iate husband, a man I first experienced the taste of love, my beautiful only daughter, i have taught myself I will continue to plant the seed of happiness, hope, success and love and the rest will come back to me in abundance and this is surely the law of nature. As long I have accepted that I am no or I wasnt a victim, no matter what I have been through as a child and growing up, I am still here. I might  have been challenged, hurt, betrayed, beaten  and discouraged BUT NOTHING DEFEATED ME. I might have been delayed by not been given the education I deserved as a child from any parent BUT not denied because I managed to make it on my own, their denial didn't stop the university to accept me hence saying I refused to be the victim by a victor and I have a history of victory and from the dark ashes I have risen.

I will still continue going around motivating, sharing and showing love to my fellow women and my community and to make them understand that 1st love yourself and that same reflection will reflect back to you thousand times. 

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