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HIV, he gave me

this image i created way before Covid , a virus in the air, as if i knew it was going to happen,

Photo Credit: isabelleize , me

Virus ,

After a long fight against immigration, which I won, I can finally live my life as a mother and absolutely have no intention of remarrying anytime soon, I have not yet decided to return to France, but my situation is not bad, I worked and bought a house, artistic projects, and yet!!! My life is at that moment a little happiness, finally I can rest from our pain, and everything is over, I take good care of my two sons, they are happy, love, moments in a small family shared, and a few years later I met a man, he is elegant, funny, not violent, does not control me, he tells me that he loves me often (too often perhaps), well come on ( Isabelle) don't start with paranoia, give yourself a chance, men are not all violent, liars, give yourself a chance and live this happiness with him and your children,

there is a lot of love between us, we can't do without each other,

every evening together, he is handsome and smiles, and his way of surprising me, he never gets angry, I finally feel beautiful, and I am happy

We moved in together, and then it's already 5 years, and I no longer recognize him,

He comes home later and later from work

Did you have a lot of work today?

Oh, you know, at the moment, there are a lot of people absent, his situation slows down a little,

Gosh! So I wanted to tell you, that I'm going to pick up my tests at the infirmary,

I had been waiting for 15 days, I don't think I was pregnant, but I wasn't doing well, often very often tired,

everything will be fine, I'll go see the job right after the infirmary, I won't be long, anyway I'll call you,

I go up two floors, and I enter a large room, two men are there in the waiting room, and on the side, there are the offices, hello I have come to get my tests,

Well, I'll look for your file and call you as soon as we can,

sitting next to a young man, I feel him panicking, he is not well at all, and starts talking to me,

I'm worried, he tells me

For what ?

They take too long with my files,

Oh ! It's going to be okay, they'll probably find it, don't panic, I tell him;

However, time passes and I wait, he waits, I worry about missing my job appointment, so I get up to find an office, that will let me make a call and tell them I'm not going to not delay,

a man who works there at his office lets me use his phone,

very kind, sir, thank you. I go back into the room, the young man is no longer there, I am now alone,

Oh, it's probably going to go quickly, it's just me, excuse me, ma'am, have you found my file?

At that moment, the same gentleman who let me use the phone is there, he holds some papers in his hand and calls my last name,

I look at him, surprised, and I hear the nurse say,

AH, that's why I couldn't find your file,

I look at the man in surprise and say to him, it's ME,

Follow me, madam,

I would just like to tell you that I have an appointment in a short time, approximately how long do you think it will take,

Come, follow me,

I follow him, he opens the office door for me, and asks me to sit down,

On the left side, there are large windows, Long, in front of me his desk,

he puts down his few sheets of paper and begins to read me the results of my tests

On the first page, the test is good, and when I get to the last page, he looks at me and says, Madam for HIV, you are positive,

I get up and tell him, so everything looks okay, I can leave for my appointment now,

he said to me, no ma'am, please sit down, I think you don't understand. You are positive on the HIV test and your numbers are numerous.

I fall on the chair, I feel like I'm losing my balance

the windows on the walls on the left side lean towards me as if to suffocate me and I scream no, I immediately think of my children, I'm going to die, no that's not possible,

calm down ma'am, we will help you,

No No, wait I have to call my boyfriend,

I pick up the phone, I call him, I shout at him and tell him that he has to come to get me and do tests if I am HIV positive, he must be too, he won't answer, doesn't say anything and hangs up,

when I came home later, I understood that he knew, I remember the time when his aunt told me about a woman who had gone to her house with her brother, looking for my boyfriend, because she had taken a test,

I would later learn that he told his whole family that I was crazy, after yelling at him, and telling him I suspected you were cheating on me, why don't you want to take a test,

he answered me by looking at his aunt and telling her that I was not HIV positive, but that I had cancer,

I left him, I wanted to file a complaint, but the lawyer will tell me,

because he did not test, we were not able to prove that he was intentionally infecting me,

I'm sorry to hear that your ex-boyfriend did not take responsibility for his health and well-being, which could have had serious consequences for both of you. Your decision to leave him was a crucial step in protecting yourself and prioritizing your health.

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