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From MIND OVER MATTER newsletter by Wendy Stebbins




Even though women want to change, to move on, often we cannot right away because of so many circumstances such as finances, lack of education or a  paying job, lack of support. Whatever. HOWEVER, the most important thing is that we can develop inner power, step by step. This is what lasts forever and makes success possible. People or circumstances can take everything away from you. They can even cut off your arms and legs. But no one can take away what you have put in your brain/mind. No one can take away or damage your INNER POWER. So, if you are "stuck" for now or moving slower than you want, get busy like I did and read, get rid of negative traits like procrastination, saying "yes" too much, and develop strong character traits. That you can do anytime. It doesn't take money, it takes work but it is YOUR choice. I had to stay in my marriage five painful years while I went back to school and started my business while raising 4 children.

Today I am talking about the people in your life because who you hang around with is who you become.


Make a list of all the people in your personal and professional life. Even the clerk where you get groceries. Next to each make a note whether they are an energy giver or an energy drainer. If they are in-between, they are a drainer because they don't help propel you towards improvement and success.


Pay attention to how your body feels when you meet or are around a person. Your body is your unconscious telling before your conscious minds knows whether this person is good for you or not. For me it is in my gut/stomach. 

One "energy drainer" is more detrimental than 100 "energy givers". Drainers are like having sandbags on your shoulders. You don't even realize you are weighted down. You are working hard to get ahead but you can't do as well as is easily possible. An energy giver will make you feel like you are light, floating through the day. You will accomplish more, in less time, with less energy. To the extent you can, get rid of the drainers and make room for the givers or you will be at a competitive disadvantage in business, you cannot have peace of mind and success in your personal life and your health will be affected sooner or later.  When you get rid of some of the drainers there will be a gap in your life, like an empty hole. So what? If you want something in your life you have to make space for it. 

Learn assertive skills and how to say "no". If you "just can't hurt someone else" at your expense or are concerned about approval, get some short term professional help. The next time you are with a drainer ask yourself "How long am I going to be dead?" and move on to life-giving people. They are out there.

A few months ago, I was part of an audience. After the speech, the speaker came up to me and said "I fed off your energy" To myself I said "What? He must be a real dependent person to need someone outside of himself to energize him."  A few weeks later I met a man who somehow gave me so much energy just by being who he is. And I don't mean a love thing, I mean a soul spirit thing. From just having been around this man for a few hours, for the whole next week I floated through work....easily accomplishing more in one day than I had in years. I finally knew what that speaker had meant. I had never felt like that before. What a difference. So much of my life must have been held back by the energy of people I allowed or invited into my life up until now. 

Are you an energy giver or an energy drainer? Take note, because you also affect the people in your life....children, friends, family, co-workers, employees. Remember, heading for your greatness one small step at a time  is what it's all about in 2019.




Gender-based Violence
Human Rights
Northern America
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