Pain as a Messenger: Confronting Self-Gaslighting for Emotional Liberation

Imagine this... a family member or close friend is in a difficult situation and pours their heart out to you. Tears are flowing, and it's clear that this person is going through a tough time. What do you do?

Do you say, "Let's distract ourselves by doing something else?"

That would be insensitive, wouldn't it? No, you offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. You put your arm around them. You comfort them. You support them. You feel their pain and you take care of that pain.

So, why then...do you overlook your own pain, disappointment, and sadness?

Why do you bury your emotions?

Why don't you listen to yourself when you're feeling completely overwhelmed?

Distraction CAN be good, but only when it doesn't come at the expense of feeling your emotions.

Let me repeat a sentence from one of the chapters of my book and my previous articles here on Worldpulse: Gaslighting can cause serious emotional and psychological damage. This also applies to self-gaslighting.

Ignoring your pain and carrying on like the tough cookie that you were taught to be... is self-gaslighting.

I would like to invite you to approach pain differently from now on. I know you may not know how yet, but no worries. I am here to help you.

Let's start with making a deal with yourself that the next time pain knocks on your door, you let pain in. Sit down together. Have a drink together. I know this sounds like a rather crazy suggestion, but it's important you don't trick yourself into believing you have processed your emotions, while in fact...you rushed through them. Trying to get it over with. Creating a long term problem.

It's important to take your time. Allow yourself to be emotional. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable. Acknowledge the discomfort as it creeps in and allow it to be there. Resist the urge to ignore your pain, sadness, and discomfort. It is temporary, I promise.

By giving yourself permission to let pain in, you create space for processing what happened to you. It will help you heal.

When you leave pain outside the door and ignore it, you get used to the noise it makes and the uncomfortable feeling it brings. By kicking pain and sadness out when you feel resistance, unprocessed emotions pile up. They will come out at a later time, often at the least convenient moments, and often much more intensely.

So...be kind to yourself and choose your battles wisely. Open your heart and look at pain as a messenger: It's time to get to work. It's time to heal. You deserve it.

(This article is a chapter from the book: the unaware self-gaslighter. Each week, I translate a chapter or two for you to read here on Worldpulse. I would love for you to follow along. Thank you for reading my book, chapter by chapter. I appreciate your support)