Precious Moments

 "Mom, Grandma is not anymore with us!"  , my son nervously breaking the shocking news over the phone.   It was 3 AM of January 2, 2018.  My whole body crushed during that moment.  Silence was my only response.    I felt total darkness. 

The cool breeze of early January morning hugged me for comfort as we speeded out of our house together with my younger two sisters to the hospital.   Upon seeing my mom covered with white linen, reality struck me that she was not with us anymore. She’s gone forever.  For the last time, I hugged her, felt her warm body and I broke down. It was the defining moment of almost a month in the hospital taking care of her like a baby, singing songs for her…  hoping against all odds that she will wake up after a long deep sleep. 

From the reality of existence to the reality of non-existence is one of  the most painful and agonizing moment of my life, losing my mother.  I have no more mother to talk to, no more mother to ask me how I am, how’s my daughter, how’s my husband reminding me of my son  whom she raised herself, reminding me of my health and endless advices.   No more mother to tell me her stories…

She spent Christmas and New Year in coma with us before she said goodbye.  Such an unfathomable love of a mother to her children. We’re lucky to have mothers in the world!!!

Welcoming the new year 2022 is also  remembering the presence of the first woman who gave us life and gave her life to us.  The woman who loved us unconditionally, whose smiles never fade whenever we were together.

I will always miss her together with my Dad who passed away long before her. 

My everyday household life after I resigned from my job give me so much time to reminisce my precious moments with my Mom . The daily household chores from cooking, washing dishes  to laundry reminded me of our days together in my younger years .  Tears dropped from my eyes and I can't help but smile wiping my tears.

Vivid images of recollection whenever I had a vacation at home once a year, she would do the dishwashing and the cooking for me making me  feel safe and confortable.  She never questioned my passion for my activism work despite the difficulties of our economic situation. I never heard complains about how she and my father struggled for our living. I can only see in their eyes how proud they were for us  I never heard of her pain with our misgivings .  I'm sure she suffered in silence , whenever she saw us crying of how we struggle with our own lives. I just realized it  being a mother myself.

I find this time as my grieving period and I miss her so much.

Having a precious times with my self  reminds me of the love and sacrifices of my Mom.   Being a mother is a tough job, a priceless one that society must recognized.  Being a mother and losing a mother give us an opportunity how to fully understand motherhood and life, how important mother’s work and not be undervalued by any society.

Realities of life no matter how painful, always unfold bringing the gifts of realizations and lessons which can help us to be a better mothers with our kids, with our family and with our society as a whole.