Red Flags You Might Miss Because Your're Used To Toxic Relationships

Let's talk about something super important—recognizing those sneaky red flags in relationships. The ones you feel you usually miss, and you're wondering why? The red flags that are hard to spot if you haven't had many healthy relationships. Please understand that every red flag we're discussing today applies to all sorts of relationships: platonic, romantic, professional, familial. Imagine we're just hanging out on the couch, having a heart-to-heart, because that's exactly what we're doing. Ready? Let's dive into it...

Our first red flag?

Gifts as a Trojan Horse. If you've asked for a bit of space and, suddenly, they're showing up at your door with a bunch of presents. What does that mean?

Imagine you've had a long day and you just want some alone time. Them surprising you might seem cute, but it could also feel like they're not respecting your need for space.

"Just thought you might like these" or "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd surprise you". Nice, right? If that happens once it is nice, but when this happens regularly, they are either insecure or scared, or do not intend to give you your space.

Charmingly Undermining Your Worth: Now, imagine this scenario: You're excited about a new project or personal achievement, and you share it with your partner, friend, colleague, or family member. Instead of celebrating with you, they say something like, "That's cool, but are you sure you're up for it?" The lack of enthusiasm is a big red flag here. Someone might have concerns, but can still be genuinely happy for you. This red flag is subtle, but it leaves you questioning your abilities, which is not cool.

Fun & games: Teasing is all fun until it's not, right? This sneaky red flag can be very dangerous. Here's why...

In this example, they make a joke that hits a nerve. You say, "Hey, that's not cool," but they dismiss it with a casual, "Come on, it's just a joke. Can't you take a little teasing?" This might seem innocent but when they do this often, they are actively degrading you. They need to feel superior or, when they tend to make these kinds of "jokes"around other people, they do it for their need for attention.

Another example: they are teasing you, tickling you, pinching you, hitting your arm and do not pay attention to you when you say,"Ouch, that hurts. You need to be more careful." Of course this happens once or twice when you’re goofing around, but when it happens over and over again? They are actively trying to control you and testing your pain threshold. Be very careful!

Concern or Control? Safety is crucial, but what if someone insists on knowing your location for no particular reason?

Picture this: You're heading out, and they casually say, "Hey, could you share your location with me?" Seems harmless, right? But if it becomes a regular demand, it might be more about control than genuine concern for your safety. One to watch out for!

Fashion Policing: "Are you sure you want to wear that?"

We all want to look good, but what if someone starts making comments about your outfit choices? It might seem like concern, but over time, it can make you feel insecure about your choices and the way you look. It also reinforces the feeling of not being good or pretty enough.

Breaking the Bank for Love: Money matters can be tricky. Especially when you're struggling financially and someone is manipulating you into reaching into your wallet, making you feel guilty if you don't help out. Below are a couple of examples that should definitely activate your antennas:

*You and your friend plan to grab dinner together. As the check arrives, your friend casually mentions, "I forgot my wallet at home. Can you cover me this time? I'll get you next time." While genuine emergencies happen, consistent forgetfulness is a red flag.

*You and a friend decide to attend a concert together. When it's time to purchase tickets, your friend says, "I'm a bit short on cash this month. Could you get both tickets, and I'll pay you back?" Be cautious if this becomes a recurring pattern, especially if the repayment never happens.

*A friend asks for a ride, and on the way, their car makes an unsettling noise. They turn to you and say, "I really can't afford unexpected repairs right now. Mind covering the cost? I'll pay you back as soon as I can."

Please know that a true friend that knows about your financial situation would not ask you this. Them trying anyway, could mean they are desperate, but this is also a very common mind game that is played by people that take advantage of other people's kindness. They know you will feel guilty. In fact, they're counting on it.

Now that we've unpacked these scenarios, you're equipped to spot those red flags. When you notice something strange happening once, you might want to keep an eye on that. But when it happens two or three times? Pay attention! Consistent behavior is the name of the game here. It's not a random glitch; it's a pattern. Time to keep your eyes open, and lay down those boundaries!

Let's keep this conversation going. Looking back, what were some real life comments or remarks that were actually sneaky red flags?