She's a Fighter

This is a bit about my journey,hope it inspires you....

The commentator shouts" LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE!! Tonight’s match is going to be epic! In the red corner weighing in at nine pounds, the unbeatable beast known as Whisper Monster. And in the blue corner weighing in at five pounds, Glo" The crowd goes wild in a chorus of cheers. The referee instructs us "Listen, I want a clean fight, good luck to the both of you." The bell rings for the first round, Ding! Ding! Ding! My opponent has at least a foot and a half advantage over me and a menacing look on its face. It sneers “You can’t defeat me and you know it."

Let’s just say the Whisper Monster and I go way back and that’s why it speaks with such deep conviction. It knows my weaknesses, my fears, my insecurities and always uses them to its advantage. It magnifies them to make them seem unalterable. Every time I tried to take a bold step; it held me back. Each time, it made me feel as if I was stranded at sea, caught up in a storm with strong winds churning up the waters and with no hope of rescue. I could see and hear it everywhere and some people believed it was just a figment of my imagination. So, let’s start from the beginning, from our very first encounter.

I’m seven years old. Thirty pairs of eyes staring at me, waiting for me to start my poem. Impatient bored looks on their faces. And suddenly the room seems to be closing in, my hands are shaking and clammy. I can’t make out the words on the paper I hold. I fiddle with the paper, folding the ends then smoothing it out. My throat is dry, I try to speak and instead a squeak comes out. The room erupts in laughter. I can hear the Whisper Monster whispering in my ear, in it's disembodied voice " I told you so, you can never be bold enough.'

I’m fifteen, standing in front of my mirror; I see my reflection. Her face is in deep scowl, her palm holding her right cheek, her eyes searching for a sliver of perfection. I can feel the Whisper Monster dancing effortlessly around me, its words echoing through the walls "Your eyes are uneven, your stomach too big; You are full of imperfections, ruined, like a garden full of weeds." 

When I was a child ,there was a phrase my friends and I used to say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words could never hurt me”. Boy were we wrong, we never knew that words have great influence, well they may not cause harm to the physical body but they can greatly bruise the soul.

And that’s why the Whisper Monster always had a grip on me. Its words were its weapons. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t block out its words echoing around me.Like a bothersome bug that you can't get rid of, it just keeps buzzing around your ears. I always had an uneasy feeling that I would always be stuck with it, joined to the hip for eternity. Until I discovered a golden invaluable secret, that I could conquer the Whisper Monster and send it running with its tail between its legs.

I had to make tough choices ,to recognize and appreciate my flaws, since they’re are what make me unique in this world filled with billions of people.I began to journal,a lot.I'd write down each and every emotion I felt ,how various events in my life made me feel.Secondly,I became more intentional of the people I surrounded myself with.Instead of just being part of any clique or group , I chose to be part of friendships that inspired me instead of pulling me down.The toughest decision was trying new bold things.This one was quite scary to be honest.Standing in front of an audience ,no matter how small ,just the idea of it made me shiver .But I had to do it,I wanted to,so, I gave it my ultimate best.And though it was not easy(once I forgot my own name while standing on a stage😅) I'm glad to say that today,I am able to do so.Though I am not yet in the place I dream of being,I do believe that I am alot more steps from where I was,and that makes me smile each time I think about it.

I used to think that I was the only one dealing with an invisible enemy but I discovered that we all have our different individual battles .Though we tend to hide those parts of ourselves as being vulnerable can be a bit scary.

And thats one of the things I love about the World Pulse community.How each story is bold, inspirational and unscripted .  It helps to me connect with other people at a deeper level as we share our challenges and celebrate the milestones achieved in our individual journeys. It has became an essential part of my daily life that has lead me onward to greater healing. It feels quite empowering to be part of a group that provides unlimited support and a space for growth with absolutely no judgment. It makes me feel as if I belong, a home away from home. It made me believe that I have the essential tools to finally overcome the Whisper Monster.

So, let’s go back the boxing match. There’s a great deal of emotion coursing through my veins. My hands are in fighting gloves. My determination as the GPS that will guide me to my victory. The Whisper Monster’s words swirl in my head but I tune them out and focus on the voice from within" I can do this". I land a single blow on it and it hits the canvas. The referee starts the count ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! The referee raises his hand for tenth count and then hits the ground. The announcement “And the winner is ...Glo” is followed by an uproar from the crowd. I crouch down to my opponent and whisper to it "You’re not the boss of me anymore, Whisper monster."

.....

P.s

Hey Dear reader,

Thanks for reading my story,it took a lot of guts to write this but the feeling after finally posting it was worth it.I hope you gained something from my journey with anxiety (yes,that's the whisper monster,you guessed it right)and I hope that you'll also be able to start your own journey in overcoming your own "monsters".It might be a bit,okay a lot scary,but you've got this.

....yours Gloria M