The unspeakable pain

This is  a continuation of my story to get the pain off my shoulder . So I opted to kill the woman who did the cut to me once I grow up,but I told myself too it pays no  fruit since the act will be practised on my juniors in my community . The day after the cut, I bled till I passed out, I was rushed to the nearby hospital ,got treatment after the doctor said I lost lots of blood.my mother said that I almost died because I didn't want to undergo through the cut.The pain of loosing my clit never  affected me psychologically till highschool and  also while studying abroad . Living in a foreign country , I had a problem saying yes to guys interested in me for long term relationship. I have always been like what if  I say yes then when we get intimate the guy finds out that I don't have my labia minora and labia majora my clit in short, I decided to ignore i dated anyway having sex was cool with my guy though I cum by squirting but I wonder if my boyfriend ever notices that I don't have a clit he's a very understanding guy but I keep asking myself do guys even notice the difference.  I have never told him, he talks about me how beautiful and intelligent  I am. He brags around to his friends being with one of the most prettiest girl but he is never aware of what I'm thinking about he is not aware of my thoughts ,I even googled if men can recognize a " circumcised woman". I was wondering if he knows that my pussy looks different from other girls' furthermore I wasn't his first girlfriend, we don't even come from same nationality. I have been an active foreign student leader being best in class and lots of co-curricular activities. So sometimes i think of going through a surgery as I learnt from the internet that there's reversed circumcision for women .I opted to carry out this on me and my peers but I also thought about the side effects . I hope to study my master's program on inclusion ,minority and human rights in the UK to  advocate for girls in my community and around the globe I hope by studying this speciality will give me a platform to bring change to my people and others around the globe. Growing in the 21st century where people tend not to believe that FGM still exist .In my country the act is prohibited and anyone who practices it  faces harsh penalty , but seems to not bear fruit unless one lives around the people where the act is practised . It is something that I have given it a thought on advocating for others since it is hard for a bleeding wound to stop other wounds from bleeding I need to heal first so I can reach out to others by finding world pulse platform where I can express myself freely and also connect with others I believe now I got some courage and motivation to advocate for others.i hope I will get suppoters to promote my advocacy.