Trans to the Public, Human to God

Story of an Trangender in Namibia This is Who I really am Miss. Jackson, Born on the Morning of 05 of August 1998 in a family of 5. I was suppose to be another Edition to my Dads soccer team Dream maybe a Striker or something lol. I guess in life all plans that We are set up for by Our parents, friends and family come to exist. I was only 5 years old when I already started to notice the way people used to pay attention to the way I moved, spoke or even behaved, I was just a child after all and was just been me without realizing that in the world we were there were Regulations and Rules .Soon came the School discrimination of which at this point was a better than what I got at home from Family that is actually there to Support you in this journey of finding yourself and most importantly while you learn to Love yourself unapologetically. I was once caught by my Mom wearing lipstick that I got from my Sister as a secret gift in my room shortly after that I was the talk of the Family and everyone knew I was the one bringing in bad luck in her house and Making God to turn a blind eye on us Till these day such Childhood moments still gives me Anxiety attacks whenever I find myself on the Streets. I am sure if self love lessons were strong from home I would've been Dominated the Streets with my walk and pride of been a Transgender woman. I was sent off to a boarding school to avoid the family shame I was causing with living my true self daily. The private school from the very first day made me aware that such "Demonic acts" I was involved in was not condone on premises. Where will I go? Why did God made me like this? I wish I would stop, Someone help? this are all Questions that came to my head every night as I drowned in my pool of Tears. I had to decide then and there to Act heterosexual to Survive in a world that doesn't have time or place for us Demons(Transgender woman and men). I moved back to the City as this handsome young guy fully part of Sports Team and wearing heavy Timbaland boots for "Swagg"( hated it) at this point i was a big shot in my Community but Every night I still cried my Eyes bloody Red, suffered from deep depression and Suicidal Thoughts. Lets me not forget to talk about when I was at the Boarding School my parents divorcing and my Brother drowning and Guess who my boy blamed it all on- me ,the Son that's making God angry for acting like a women. I loved my family dearly because they are all I had or so I made myself believe all this years, I didn't have Friends that were Gay because I didn't want my family to go through all the Darkness I brought on them. So after High School ,on the early morning of February 2019 I packed my little Suit case and Took a Taxi(Cab) to Man I met at a Club and that sold me the dream of "You are my everything". I stayed there for 3 months until Reality came back in the picture, I was not allowed to go out without him, he never held my hand in Public or whenever we met his friends in Public I was the Gay boy from the farm that is staying with him so he can FIX me.  I have been living in my own place for a year and few months now, That gets paid by a foreign Guy I met on a dating Site and believe me its not a Charity case because I always have to send him nudes or do a video call whenever he feels and wants to. I have started giving Counseling to young boys going through what I went through growing up ,Been beaten by men on the Streets ,abused by ex lovers making me feel like Trash and yes the nasty Public Comments that makes me feel like a Celebrity for been who I am.  My Question is where to we go because we are not going anywhere? Why Cant we be considered part of the Community where the rest of everyone is our parents, brothers, sisters and Childhood friends? Do you think we woke up one day and decided to be Transgender no my friend this is Gods beautifully Creation .Just like you find different animals in Jungle so do you find different Humans. So stop calling me names on the Street and don't Stare at me I am not a mirror and no your child wont turn Transgender from Candy I give them. I am Proud to be who I am and I will wear this High Heels and make-up, Darling!  I just want to say thank you to everyone that has supported me on the journey and loves me dearly. Thank you to all those parents that hold their child's hand and show them that they love them regardless of who they are. Mothers please if you have a child that's going through this or know one on the streets please sit down, talk to them and see where you can help. You never know all the Emotional Baggage they are carrying. A mothers support is the Most important one because they are every mans world and create the best support system and everything you speak to your child whether its good or bad has impact on them even as adults in choices they make on a daily.