What do i write about ......

AT LAST, WROTE SOMETHING

Always thought I was a writer

What do I write?

A lot, but nothing to show for it

That moment I hold my pen, looking over a nice blank leaf of paper

Everything becomes blank, even the mind closes and the world stands still

A thousand times I have tried but to no avail!

When finally, I wake up from my daydreaming,

I find torn papers staring at me as if I must explain myself for the precious wasted time spent on “nothing”

There are torn papers lying everywhere with two to five scribbled notes

Notes not related in any way

Many a time I have broken down, disappointed in myself

Wetting the very paper that’s supposed to define me, to speak up for me

How disappointing that is, to think how am I supposed to be my sister’s keeper

To be a feminist, to be a gender activist, that I am

When all I can scribble on a piece of paper are tears!

I believe, I, like so many sisters out there are not alone in this fight

Actually, we have written so much, in our hearts and should be proud of our bravery

Yes, even with nothing to show for it, because the passion we have says it all

It’s the force that keeps us going, the force that drives us to become more

The force that drives us to be our sister’s keeper

They will tell you the first step to start writing is to start writing

They tell you to write about the things that you’re passionate about

That it’s easier that way, but is it?

What if I’m passionate about writing itself?

What do I write, and what about?

What words do I use, which format is best, for what?

The world wants to describe me with a single word, a single title

To limit what I write about, to put boundaries on the work I do, put a guide on my thinking

They say I should be a poet, storyteller or a motivational speaker

Well maybe its good for me, as it makes me identify with other “writers”

….but what if I become a poet but I find a story to tell?

What if I want to write it all and not suffocate in a brand, in an identity?

But we all know ‘society’ ain’t that friendly to the “master of none”

I feel defeated, I feel suffocated, I feel like I’m not enough

I won’t lie, I care whether my pieces get out there or not

But whether they get published or not, I will write

I will write, writing keeps me sane…

It’s the only place I feel safe

The pen will never judge you, the paper not so sure

Someone might stumble on it and read it and ridicule you

I’m free when I write for the sake of writing

I’m not going to compete, neither will I look up to them

Because honestly the “writing industry” has many ‘gifted’ writers

Who am I to compete with such brilliance?

With my flat language, crooked expressions, broken English and not so good punctuation

But I will write, till the day I die!!!!!!!

And so goes the diary of a young woman, a “writer” in the making…..

Done by Sharon Stella Musonza