Why do I get hurt always? All I was asking was to be loved in return..

This write up emerged as a result of reading the stories of so many young women who have written to me; the sharing of women I have had the chance to journey with as a coach and a facilitator.

And before proceeding, I am holding space for each one of you including myself, for being utterly brave, for showing up despite the inner battles, the endless pains, the inner chaos and the unknowingness. Thank you for moving on every day, you have no idea how every tiny steps of yours impact positively on this world; you have no idea how your smiles brighten the hearts of so many of us around.

The questions that came to me often these past weeks and what emerged out of all these conversations are as follows:

Why do I get hurt always? Why despite all my lovingness and truth – people are still abusing me? All I was asking was to be loved in return.. Why all this?

My first response is always this one question “Do you love yourself?”

So, do you love yourself?

Does this question of mine actually takes you away from whatever truth is happening inyour life? Am I finding a way to condone whatever wrong was done and still being done unto to you?

Am I telling you that you should not seek love outside yourself? Not entirely true. I am denying this huge need we have to love and to be loved as humans. Not at all.

My own journey has taught me this one thing, if people hurt you and if you keep getting hurt as per what you are telling of your story, then something is screaming for your attention.

No it is not telling you that the outside world is bad and shitty but instead there is that voice calling from within, there is something not going on quite well in your inner world.

Now what is this inner world all about?

Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world – what we carry deep within as beliefs, unhealed wounds, hidden pains and stocked up brokenness will keep repeating until unless we stop to look into them each one of them.

Being a constant victim in the outer world is a result of our inner victimhood. And this is not always easy to hear and to digest. I have been there and I know how “painful” it feels, in that moment.

You may probably be like, “Eissshhhhh I am hurt, how does anyone dare calling me Victim- Player?”

And I will still whisper gently and firmly, “Darling, as long as you show up as the victim, you will keep attracting vampires ready to suck you till the last drop. You will keep attracting mongers ready to trade “faked happiness” in exchange of your blood.”

So where do we start and what do we do? How about some picky questions?

Do you love yourself as much as you are willing to love others? Do you betray others for the sake of your own dreams and truth? Will you to go any extent to listen to your truth as much you are willing tolisten to others?

Do you stand for yourself as much you stand for others? Do you sacrifice to feed your own soul as much you sacrifice for others? Do you over-give to yourself as much as you give to others?

Are you patient with yourself when you are down and broke? Do youhold space for yourself to cry as much as you are willing to do it for others?

Do believe you are worthy of love?Do believe that you are worthy to be loved and embraced just the way you are?

Do you hide bits and pieces of you so as not to displease others? Do you believe you are desirable?

Do you love yourself – your skinniness, your fattiness, your colouredness, your colorlessness, your cheekiness, your blandness, your lovingness, your shittiness? Do you love every inch of yours? At least, do you love a tiny bit of yours?

If you have answered “NO”, to any of these above questions then I will caution you to please stop and start looking deep within. All these questions are connected and intertwined, answering “NO” to any one of them, is truth saying “NO” to most if not all of them.

So where do we start and what do we do?

A coachee of mine wrote me aquestion last week and itsaid “so how do we start loving oneself?”

That’s a powerful question and there are endless routes to that and here is what I have found along my own journey.

1. No more Victimhood:Loving oneself starts by no more running away, loving oneself starts by no more playing the “victim game”.

Yes there was a time to be hurt and to feel hurt and you are allowed these entire cinema and all these emotions. When you are a child, you have limited control over what happens to you but as you grow through the years, despite your darkest nights, you have within enough to start living differently. As you grow into awareness of your own inner world, then the time is to start looking into those inner wounds, those limited beliefs, those external seeking.

Instead of what they are doing to you, start by asking yourself \"what am I allowing in my space, who am I allowing in my space and Why?\" This is about you opening doors to others and not the contrary

Loving oneself starts by taking ownership of what happened to us and looking into what we were seeking from outside.

2. Get Guidance and Help:Owning your life, your story and paving your way through to extract lessons, messages and tools is a daring path and so worthy in the end. These are moments when choosing to work with facilitators are vital. Choose people wisely, choose from your heart. If they scare you – maybe they are just what you need.

Just be aware that the kind of facilitators you will choose will depend on how true you are to yourself, how willing you are see things for what they are.

3. Start by Being True to Yourself:There is no running away and no faking here anymore. If healing is what you seek, if love is what you seek – then this “hide and seak” game will not work anymore. If you feel less, then face it. If you are afraid of being hurt again, then name it. If your self-worth is low, then embrace it.

But whatever it is that emerges out of those spaces where your self- awareness expands, please hold space for yourself.

4. Hold Space for Yourself:Can you just be with you whatever you are feeling and not judge yourself? This is perhaps the biggest selfless love act towards oneself. This willingness to be with one self and not run away from whatever emotions and feelings that emerge and most importantly, not judging. And it will take the time it takes

5. It is a life-long commitment:Learning to love oneself, to heal those wounds, to embrace your wholeness and to flush away those limited beliefs and agreements does not happen overnight.

It is a process, an ongoing process. And it will take the time it takes.

Beyond all, it is a life-long commitment. So Darling, “No running, no rushing, no speeding.”

As one of my teachers, Bairavee Balasubramanian,whispered to me, “Things will come as they come, it is not a pace for you to set.”

This leap from victimhood to owning your story is a life-long commitment and things will sift and shift. You may not experience overnight changes but you will transform from within on the long run. It does not mean you will not hurt yourself again, but what it means, is you will end up learning that pain is inevitable but suffering will become evitable because hopefully you will learn to extract wisdom from the shit being thrown on you in future.

Much love light vibes

Megha Venketasamy

Image source: http://tbartonniles.blogspot.com/

All information provided on this post is non-liable and is not intended to replace professional legal, medical, psychological, psychiatric and/or financial counsel.